I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
