I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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