Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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