i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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