Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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