I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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