Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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