what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
