Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
