he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
