I can tuck mytits in my pants
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
