Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
