I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
