My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
