Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
