WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
