I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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