My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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