All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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