I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
