So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
