we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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