Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
