Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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