Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
