I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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