we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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