i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
