imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
