Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
