Just fell off a train. Bad.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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