But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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