Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
