She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
