He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
