He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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