Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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