im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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