You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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