Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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