a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
