they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
