I met the friendliest cop last night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
