Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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