First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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