pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
