He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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