Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
