is this the sara with the beer cane?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
