dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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