The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
