You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
