I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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