I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
