She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
