Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
