I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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