Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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