the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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