I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
