I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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