Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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