no, he came in my armpit
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
