omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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