bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
