ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
