I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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