you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
