I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
