Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
cat food counts as protein by the way
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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