i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
