if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
