youre lurking in front of me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
