mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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