It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
