I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
