handjob tips. give me some.
you win again, gameday.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
