Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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