Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
