Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
