Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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