Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
