UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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