Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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