if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
