Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am mentally ready for anal.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
