I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
