I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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