distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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