Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
