Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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