Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
