Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
