hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
