I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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