i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
