Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
